Yeah, hearing those things over and over again from various people doesn't take away the sting from the kind of day that I had yesterday. It was the kind of day that I was still thinking about when I woke up this morning.
The day itself was fairly normal. My two friends and I gathered our children at one house and decided to make it a lazy Sunday, since our husbands had all left together for an early morning fishing trip. It was three Mamas and four children.
I had not slept well the night before (isn't that how all great days start?) and I could tell my level of patience was not high. I was snapping at Autumn for nothing and everything. It was right around nap time that I could feel myself starting to lose it. My friends put both of their children down for naps and I attempted to do the same with mine. Nate was no problem. Autumn was nothing but a problem. After numerous attempts at trying to get Autumn to lay down and with my low level of patience dwindling, I finally started packing our bag telling Autumn we were going to head home.
That's when we both lost it. She started throwing a tantrum because as much as she did not want to lay down, she did not want to go home. So, with three sleeping children in the house she proceeded to cry, loudly. I told her repeatedly to stop crying before she woke everyone up, which only seemed to make her cry louder. That's when I said, "Autumn I have already told you to shut up 3 times."
As soon as those words left my mouth I felt awful. I think in Autumn's three years of life I have told her to "shut up" MAYBE three times. I hate those words and try to never use them towards my children.
I looked at Autumn and while I was cringing inside she was unphased. I quickly decided that since Nate WAS sleeping, my threat to go home was probably not the best idea, and allowed Autumn to curl up on the couch with me for yet another attempt at laying down quietly.
After that I checked out. I was drained mentally and physically. I did not want to hear another little voice ask me for a drink, or to go to the bathroom, or to get the motorized truck out of the ditch. I didn't care if Autumn was screaming like a banshee or jumping around like she was high off of pixie sticks.
Nate had two naps yesterday with little time in between because I just couldn't do it. I am fairly certain that Autumn had a dinner that consisted of Doritos and Fruit Loops.
I was there physically, but in my mind I was sipping sangria and having adult conversation in a far away land. I had packed my bags, boarded a plane, and checked out.
By bedtime I felt like the worst parent in the world. I looked at my babies through their monitors, sound asleep, and thought about how I had just thrown away a perfectly good day with my children. Working full time I only have so many of those and this is one I had wasted.
