I was so excited about celebrating her first birthday that the fact that she was a year old hit me later. I cried standing next to her crib singing "Happy Birthday" on her second. Truth be told, the third celebration is a bit of a blur, as Nate was around six weeks old at the time.
This year I sat next to my first born in a seat made for a pre-schooler with tennis balls on the feet. Sitting at a round table surrounded by her friends, in a room that smelled of crayons and paint, I watched her interact with these kids that she sees three days a week. Watching her talking, laughing and swapping lunch items, I felt a sense of peace and pride. She is growing, and as bittersweet as that sometimes is, I have to marvel at what she is growing into. A beautiful, smart, funny and social little girl.
A little girl who believes with all of her heart that she is a Princess and would dress like one at all times, if I let her. A little girl who has a soft spot for kittens and loves her pet fish "Ariel". Her favorite ice cream is panilla and if it has "neem & neems" on top, even better!
She is a little girl who never misses an opportunity to give a hug and let you know that you are important to her. A little girl who comforts and protects her brother when he is crying and upset.
She is a little girl who loves her friends and fills our car rides home with stories about them. I am sure that hearing them sing "Happy Birthday" to her will be the highlight of this day.
She is not perfect and neither am I, far from it. There are days when I wonder if we will both make it out alive, days when I retreat into the bathroom just to hear myself think. But even those days end with a squeeze and kiss and a tiny, whispered, "I love you Mama" as she is tucked in for the night.
So, I may have teared up (again) as those tiny voices sang "Happy Birthday" to my tiny girl, but this time they were tears of pride for how far we've come and for who my four year old is turning into.
