As my daughter has gotten older my struggle with "Mother's Guilt" has gotten harder. Like many, I am a working mom. I knew going into this that I was going to be a working mom. There was never any discussion of me NOT being a working mom. However, knowing and doing are two totally different things. We are extremely lucky in that my daughter stays with her Meme three days a week and with a co-worker's wife the other two. She has been in the same routine with the same people since I went back to work and is extremely comfortable with the people who care for her. She has kids to play with and familiar faces all week long.
Strangely, and this may be opposite from what others have experienced, my struggle with leaving her during the week has gotten harder as she has gotten older. While, of course it was difficult when I first went back to work, it did get easier knowing that she was with people that I trust and that she was happy. As she has gotten older and more aware, my internal struggle has intensified. Am I an awful mother because I go to work everyday? Will she be any less developed then children who have stay-at-home mothers? Does she feel as if I abandon her? I am sure that many other working moms can relate to these thoughts.
Of course, I would love to be able to stay at home with my daughter. I am jealous of my friends who have that ability. I love my job and enjoy those I work with, but there is nothing that beats spending the day with your child. Unfortunatly, that is not currently an option for me. Knowing that, I am thankful for the caregivers that we have been blessed with and know that my child is well taken care of in my absense. Having that peace of mind does help to ease some of the pain in having to leave every morning.
I know that there is/can be tension between those mothers who work in an office and those mothers who work at home. I phrase it that way because both situations are work. I have friends from each group. I respect both choices. I am not someone who feels that a woman HAS to have a career in the workplace to contribute to society and I am also not someone who feels that a mother MUST stay home with their children for them to flourish. I am someone who thinks that every mother deserves respect for her personal choice. Whether you agree with it or not. At the end of the day, working outside the home or inside, we are all trying to achieve the same goal. To be the best possible parent we can be and to raise intelligent, respectful, productive people. What's the old saying? "It takes a village to raise a child".
I was brought up in a home with two working parents. Two very hard working parents. I do not remember feeling abandoned by either of them. I do remember feeling well taken care of, loved and provided for. I feel that I developed and flourished just as well as the next kid (although some may disagree!). These are the things I remind myself when that guilt kicks in. At the end of the day I can only do the best I can do and hope that that is good enough. I have an adorable, happy, intelligent daughter and a good job that helps my husband and I provide for her. For these things I am thankful.
